[floridaorange]

Anyone have a bad experience with a coach for one of their kids yet? We just had our first negative experience - glad it's over, wondering if anyone else has been through it/or if it's on the rise perhaps.

[sygazelle]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

Anyone have a bad experience with a coach for one of their kids yet? We just had our first negative experience - glad it's over, wondering if anyone else has been through it/or if it's on the rise perhaps.

While I'm sure there are bad coaches out there, I've had the opposite experience. The coaches for my grand kid's soccer and baseball leagues have been excellent. The dedication they have and the hours they put in to coach the kids is pretty unbelievable.

On the other had, I can't say the same thing about the parents. It seems like each year there are one of two parents who feel obligated to find fault in a public way about the coaches and make a scene.

[Tyga11]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

Anyone have a bad experience with a coach for one of their kids yet? We just had our first negative experience - glad it's over, wondering if anyone else has been through it/or if it's on the rise perhaps.

What happened?

[Nuckle]

Lots of experience here. Most have been great but a few have been bad. High school coaches being the worst in our case but in no way I am saying that is the norm. A coach that cares more about winning for their own accomplishment is the problem at anything below the pro level IMO.

[floridaorange]

My Dad and Uncle ump'd for 30+ yrs including the little league world series - so I take your point about parents.

My son is 10, he's been in baseball consistently since he was 4, and is a good reliable fielder, pitcher, hitter. He made it to the allstar team this yr.

The coach had 4-5 assistant coaches many of whom I know. I attended every practice - 2-3 per week - which seemed like a lot for the age but we aren't afraid of hard work. The assistant coach's never got to speak - the head coach did all the talking and boy did he like to talk, and talk and talk.

Stylistically - the coach was a total drill sergeant - but instead of being the empowering kind he was more of the angry/stressed kind. He strongly favored compliance - which my son is actually pretty compliant but evidently not enough. He had the 10 yr olds play the positions he felt they should play vs where they normally play and and basically sat my son on the bench in all 3 games - while his son proceeded to make error and error from short stop.

The tough part for me was I know all these kids and what positions they play. I know how they play in high stress games etc. This coach had only seen them practice. Anyway we won 1 game and got blown out bad on the other 2. My son batted 1 time the entire time.

The only conclusion I can draw is that the coach is still a little bitter from his sons regular season team not making it to the championship game -ours did - and ours also beat his - my son pitched (closed).

Normally this stuff doesn't bug me - but the way this coach handled these 10 yr olds seemed way over the top from the start. 3 hour practices 3 days a week and push-ups if they had errors. Calisthenics and stretching (with cold muscles btw), and a total lack of any smiling or positive reinforcement.

Every coach my son has had has gone out of their way to tell me how much they've enjoyed having him on their team and this was just so far in the opposite direction - it's just a very different experience for us.

The coaches son - who is the smallest on the team - never smiled nor did his older brother who helped coach occasionally. They looked miserable. I knew that wasn't a good sign from the start.

My son and I will be fine - these are not big problems or serious issues - so forgive me if you feel my rant was a waste of your time - but for those of you who have been through something similar - it's a damn weird scenario to see your talented child demoralized by a drill sergeant - at this age.

Lastly - I've had lots of coaches in my life, baseball for 15 yrs, basketball, lacrosse, rowing - and my son has had many in his 6 yrs of playing 2 seasons per year. I appreciate their time and passion a lot and have never had an issue.

[Alfisti]

I just have my boys in house leagues, generally excellent coaches, really friendly etc but to me anyway, they do struggle to maintain order. I'd be a little firmer on the practice shenanigans.

Almost had my first incident last week, baseball game with 10 year old, other team ABSOLUTELY RELENTLESSLY chanted "let's go .......kids name pitching or hitting..........let's go". And i mean it never, ever stopped, ever, it was so loud. I said to our coach he should go talk tot he other team's coach as it's completely ruining the game but he didn't want to cause a stir. Only my wife held me back, i thought it was fucking ridiculous.

[Tommy-G]

Nope, its easy when you dont have kids

[infinitekidM2C]

I coach my kid's soccer team and i'm excellent.

[Esteban]

I coached my son's little league baseball team for 4 years and gave it my all. Never had any complaints.

Definitely went that extra mile if I do say so myself.

Was some of the funnest times I had with my son.

[floridaorange]

It it what it is, and we will either tough it out in the future or go another direction. I did help pitch to the boys before yesterdays tournament game... most the parents seem happy with the outcome of how things all went down. So I guess I either suck it up and get my son on board to really compete on a higher level, or we go another direction. It's a very different environment vs regular season.

[Esteban]

My son played on basketball and soccer teams as well, plus was in karate. Eventually quit the teams (at 13) but continued with karate.

Bottom line for me was what do my kids want to do with their extra time.

BTW, my son will be 35 in September.

[MoeTE87]

My daughter has played soccer (coed last year and all girls this year) the past two years. My wife and I were assistant coaches last year with the head coach doing pretty much a good job and all of the work. We were there to keep the kids engaged and follow direction. Almost like hurding cats the whole year. Wife and I were relieved it was over and enjoyed this year's soccer team as it was all girls and we werent coaches. Was a huge plus to have my daughters two best friends on the team to keep her attention and wanting to play. I will see how the next few years go when it comes to her wanting to play sports. She will be 5 in a few months.

For me on the other hand, I played sports my whole life and played 3 years of D1 college baseball. I had every type of coach growing up and through out middle school to highschool. I played 3 sports per year. I remember we were playing in a baseball tourny locally around early teen years and the coach dragged his son off of the pitching mound because he couldn't find the plate.

Just be smart with it. There are a lot of bad coaches and parents. Main thing to remember is, talk to your son and see what he wants to do. If he truly loves the game, find a different team and interview the coaches and ask other parents. Last thing you want to do is burn him out of playing baseball because of 1 bad apple. Too many awesome baseball leagues out there with great coaches.

Thanks!

[floridaorange]

We've been fortunate to have some great coaches - and I'm not sure if this coach is great or not - he walks a fine line I reckon.

I will try to focus on the great experiences we've had thus far instead. We've just spent a lot of time together the last few months and I'm venting.

You're 100% right of course about burning out my boy - I don't want that!

Thanks to all who provided insight… sucks seeing your first born sobbing after games for not playing when 95% of the time he's being cheered for competing against the boys he's riding the pine watching.

[infinitekidM2C]

The kids want to win. Especially if they are used to it. I try to manage the game so we win, and spread out the time as evenly as possible. If the other team is really good, of course i'll play the better kids more that game, and then try to give the lesser kids more time against the lesser teams. It mostly evens out in the end, but i have had one incident of a parent complaining about their kids time. I took it in stride and the next game gave the kid more time. I don't take it personal. He apologized later.

[floridaorange]

The issue I have is the coach never asked the kids what position they want to play or are good at playing - instead he just put people where he thought they should be. So during practice, my son is in the outfield for the first time - taking that as an insult, he didn't give his 100% best, which turned into him sitting.... it just sucked because coaches kid played every minute of every game, along with the other coaches kids, and they aren't any better than my son, legitimately. And it showed! They made all kinds of errors!

I'm used to coaches who are 100% in control of their emotions and lead by example, and talk to the kids vs yell at the kids. They tend to have an assistant coach who might play the bad cop, which is fine. But to have 1 bad cop style exclusively, it's a lot....

The league leadership already knows he talks too much and they don't love him, I can tell you that.

[mjr24]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

The issue I have is the coach never asked the kids what position they want to play or are good at playing - instead he just put people where he thought they should be. So during practice, my son is in the outfield for the first time - taking that as an insult, he didn't give his 100% best, which turned into him sitting.... it just sucked because coaches kid played every minute of every game, along with the other coaches kids, and they aren't any better than my son, legitimately. And it showed! They made all kinds of errors!

I'm used to coaches who are 100% in control of their emotions and lead by example, and talk to the kids vs yell at the kids. They tend to have an assistant coach who might play the bad cop, which is fine. But to have 1 bad cop style exclusively, it's a lot....

The league leadership already knows he talks too much and they don't love him, I can tell you that.

I'd give it more time. I mean….when I was younger, every kid said he wanted to pitch or play quarterback and of course they all "were good at it". Reality is a different story most of the time. If this coach has no familiarity with any of these players or their positions, I'd assume he will soon learn where they can and cannot play. That being said, if he is coaching an all star team you would think he would kind of know who is who and what position they played on their normal teams.

I probably come from a different era (I'm 42) but I like drill sergeant coaches at those early ages….10-11. It made me respect them and try my hardest. I felt it taught me a lot about authority at that age. Again, I know everything seems to be positive reinforcement only now….and that's fine….but the hard coaches sometimes are good for kids.

[floridaorange]

I'm 42 as well. I don't have a big issue with the approach. The games didn't go well, the kids cracked under pressure. His son did not play well at shortstop. My son has played with all these boys since T-Ball, he's been in many teams with them. I've been to all the games, helped coach etc etc. This coach is new to our league - favors total compliance - and talks more than any coach I've ever seen in any sport. This coach isn't teaching the kids any mechanics btw, he's just yelling at them about performance. I played baseball, basketball, rowing, lacrosse. This dude is special.

[Cloverdale]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

My Dad and Uncle ump'd for 30+ yrs including the little league world series - so I take your point about parents.

My son is 10, he's been in baseball consistently since he was 4, and is a good reliable fielder, pitcher, hitter. He made it to the allstar team this yr.

The coach had 4-5 assistant coaches many of whom I know. I attended every practice - 2-3 per week - which seemed like a lot for the age but we aren't afraid of hard work. The assistant coach's never got to speak - the head coach did all the talking and boy did he like to talk, and talk and talk.

Stylistically - the coach was a total drill sergeant - but instead of being the empowering kind he was more of the angry/stressed kind. He strongly favored compliance - which my son is actually pretty compliant but evidently not enough. He had the 10 yr olds play the positions he felt they should play vs where they normally play and and basically sat my son on the bench in all 3 games - while his son proceeded to make error and error from short stop.

The tough part for me was I know all these kids and what positions they play. I know how they play in high stress games etc. This coach had only seen them practice. Anyway we won 1 game and got blown out bad on the other 2. My son batted 1 time the entire time.

The only conclusion I can draw is that the coach is still a little bitter from his sons regular season team not making it to the championship game -ours did - and ours also beat his - my son pitched (closed).

Normally this stuff doesn't bug me - but the way this coach handled these 10 yr olds seemed way over the top from the start. 3 hour practices 3 days a week and push-ups if they had errors. Calisthenics and stretching (with cold muscles btw), and a total lack of any smiling or positive reinforcement.

Every coach my son has had has gone out of their way to tell me how much they've enjoyed having him on their team and this was just so far in the opposite direction - it's just a very different experience for us.

The coaches son - who is the smallest on the team - never smiled nor did his older brother who helped coach occasionally. They looked miserable. I knew that wasn't a good sign from the start.

My son and I will be fine - these are not big problems or serious issues - so forgive me if you feel my rant was a waste of your time - but for those of you who have been through something similar - it's a damn weird scenario to see your talented child demoralized by a drill sergeant - at this age.

Lastly - I've had lots of coaches in my life, baseball for 15 yrs, basketball, lacrosse, rowing - and my son has had many in his 6 yrs of playing 2 seasons per year. I appreciate their time and passion a lot and have never had an issue.

Hope your sharing is beneficial for you (glad you did)! I'm soon 64, have been coached by abusive/unsavory people, coached with/against abusive/unsavory people and unfortunately still witness abusive/unsavory people coaching our kids/grand kids. There hasn't unfortunately been much progress made in rooting out these neanderthal's from amateur sport where their actions can be so impactful. It's currently reached the point in Canada where amateur hockey officials (kids) are in short supply because of it (which includes parental behavior). You'll feel better attempting to diplomatically/constructively interfere with this continuing unchallenged. Best wishes.

[UncleWede]

<ascends soapbox>

I play, played, coached, and refereed in AYSO since 1900 and something. When I was the head coach, my son always started - on the sideline. Not related to his skill, but I simply didn't want there to be any chance my kid was being "favored" I told him that up front, he didn't mind. I didn't accept BS from my sideline/parents, or even my own dad. I had to raise my voice, and threatened to have MY DAD removed. I used to truly enjoy being a ref, but the parents got so bad, and it transferred to the players, so I quit.

Baseball was worse. I was on the Little League board for a while, and nobody liked me being there because I didn't take any shit. When 2 board fathers got into it (fence stopped it from being physical) I rallied to have them both kicked out for 2 weeks.

When tournament time came around, I hated having my son selected. He was borderline on skills, and I certainly didn't want my actions to help him make it. But I was glad a few times I was there. Coach starts bringing in ringers, who didn't even play in the league, and it displaced kids that had been there all season, including mine.

Why, you aks? Because there aren't any Pro scouts, there aren't usually even HS scouts at Little League, or AYSO. So let the KIDS PLAY. It's a GAME.

<steps down from soapbox>

[CTinline-six]

My dad coached when I was a kid, and then I coached along with some friends in various sports. There is a reason all the good coaches are gone, they have zero support from the athletic director, and no matter what you do it's wrong. I hated having my dad as a coach as a kid, it was the opposite of favoritism, he was harder on me than all the other players. My sister quit basketball because of him being the coach haha.

Sports should be fun, 99% chance your kid is not going to be an all-star or get a scholarship, so at least let them have fun and develop social and athletic skills.

Want the kids to be competitive and win? Nope, parents will complain that keeping score is mentally damaging (their words) to their child.

Want to teach kids fundamentals like ball handling and dribbling? Nope, parents will complain that it highlights the skills their kids are bad at and they will feel bad about themselves because little Johnny is a better dribbler than little Sally.

Kid isn't starting in one game? Parents think you have it out for their kid, and that the kid will give up on life, so they send you death threats.

My last season was when we had a high school girl throw a full-on temper tantrum in the middle of the court (laying on the ground flapping her arms) because her teammate wouldn't pass to her. We took her out of the game (obviously) and next game the athletic director told us we had to allow her to do it because that is how she expressed herself.

I bet the league hates your coach, but there is a reason he is still there, nobody else wants to do it.

You did this to yourselves parents.

[floridaorange]

We have a great league with mostly awesome parents and coaches - I've just been spoiled, my son as well. This coach didn't know how to delegate and once he had his starting 9 in his mind - of compliant kids who seemed to be fired up in practices he stuck with them.

I'm over it now - it is what it is. His son made errors on easy plays as did his other choices in the infield.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by floridaorange

I'm over it now - it is what it is. His son made errors on easy plays as did his other choices in the infield.

And they were given push-ups, or whatever the previous method of reinforcing the need to be perfect?

That's fine if you do that, I guess, as long as you are CONSISTENT in the application.