[ResIpsaLoquitur]

First off, I got this idea from a thread by VP007 after reading the LLM rip his 2022 BMW 840i. I got a couple of really good laughs, and I simply couldn’t resist asking it to provide the same treatment for the F90 in two chapters, and then the G90. Thanks for the inspiration! (Spoiler, there isn’t much to roast for the F90)!

Prompt: Roast my BMW M5 F90 LCI

Response: Alright, here we go!

Ah, the BMW M5 F90 LCI—a car designed for the driver who wants the world to know they can go from 0 to "I’m late for my corporate meeting" in 3 seconds. With all that horsepower, yet somehow you still end up stuck behind a Prius going 25 mph in a 35-zone. But hey, at least the heated massage seats keep your ego warm while you wait.

And let's not forget that aggressive front grille—it’s as if BMW thought, “How can we make this car look like it's constantly about to devour the next Tesla it sees?” And those exhaust pipes? They’re not fooling anyone; they’re just compensating for all the personality the car lacks. Oh, and congratulations, you own a car that sounds like a jet engine but is mostly used for making grocery runs.

But the real cherry on top is that you’ve bought the LCI—because clearly, the original F90 wasn’t quite *flashy* enough. Now with a few extra LEDs and slightly tweaked bumpers, you can feel like you’ve truly outdone yourself in the realm of midlife-crisis mobility.

All that speed, tech, and power... just to get stuck in traffic like the rest of us.

Then I asked for round two…

Response: Ah, the BMW F90 M5—because why just have a regular 5 Series when you can have one that’s trying to convince everyone you’re on your way to Le Mans, but really you’re just going to Costco.

Let's be real: you’ve got a 600-horsepower monster under the hood, yet 90% of your time is spent crawling through suburban traffic or sitting at red lights, trying to remind yourself that this isn’t a waste of a perfectly good supercar engine. All that power, but it’s mostly used to impress other dads at school pickup.

And that design—it’s the definition of “I'm rich, but not rich enough to buy an M8.” BMW has squeezed so much technology into it that the car basically drives itself, because they know the person behind the wheel probably has no idea how to handle 600 horses without putting it into a ditch.

Let’s not forget the exhaust, which screams, “Look at me!” every time you accelerate, but in reality, everyone’s just thinking, “There goes another guy compensating for something.” Oh, and don't pretend like you’re taking it to the track; the closest thing your M5 gets to a racetrack is flooring it on the on-ramp to the highway.

In the end, you’ve got the perfect car for someone who wants to feel like they’re starring in *Fast & Furious* but is really just stuck in rush-hour traffic like the rest of us, using all that German engineering to inch forward at 5 mph.

Prompt: Roast the BMW M5 G90

Commentary: I think it absolutely failed here. What about the weight? And praising the exhaust note?! Maybe we’re not all about to lose our jobs to AI.

Response: Ah, the BMW M5 G90—the ultimate "I could’ve been a race car driver, but I settled for PowerPoint presentations" machine. You’ve got all this horsepower packed into a luxury sedan, because nothing says *executive decision maker* like a car that’s one tire screech away from a midlife crisis.

The design? It’s basically the F90 with some Botox. BMW thought, “Let’s update it so no one will notice it's still the same car with slightly different headlights and a grille that gets more aggressive every year, like it’s compensating for something.”

You’ve got cutting-edge tech that can practically drive itself, because BMW knows the average G90 owner wouldn’t dare use all 600+ horsepower outside of a straight line on the freeway. All those track modes? Useless. You’re spending more time fiddling with ambient lighting colors than actually hitting the apex of a corner. Let’s be real, the closest this thing gets to a racetrack is when you do a hard acceleration merging onto the highway.

And the exhaust note—oh, it’s loud, but not in a good way. It screams, “I’m trying really hard to be a sports car,” but deep down, we all know it’s just a very fast office on wheels. You’re basically driving a luxury cruise missile that’ll never see anything more exciting than a morning commute to Starbucks.

In short, the M5 G90 is the car for someone who wants to feel dangerous but lives for safety features. All that power, and yet you're still just another business-class commuter stuck in traffic, dreaming of the Autobahn while crawling through a school zone.

[Nighttime22]

HA HA. That's funny. I'm surprised the weight of the G90 wasn't used in there somewhere. Seems to be something ChatGBT would latch onto... lol

[ResIpsaLoquitur]

Originally Posted by Nighttime22

HA HA. That's funny. I'm surprised the weight of the G90 wasn't used in there somewhere. Seems to be something ChatGBT would latch onto... lol

I thought the same thing!

[Aronis]

pure entertainment.

Now as Chat GPT to roast Kamala.

Mike

[M5_1of400]

Originally Posted by Aronis

pure entertainment.

Now as Chat GPT to roast Kamala.

Mike

Careful.. came to find out there are lots of fragile, easily offended libs in here.

[Aronis]

Originally Posted by M5_1of400

Careful.. came to find out there are lots of fragile, easily offended libs in here.

Yes, I know.

Mike