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BMW M5 F90 (2018+) General Forums Engine, Exhaust, Drivetrain, Tuning Modifications    New Noelle Tune: initial numbers - Holy Cow!

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      02-07-2020, 12:31 PM   #177
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if you dyno test our tune your transmission will self destruct and you will not get a free bulletproof M8 transmission


Quote:
Originally Posted by BMWDriverX View Post
Don't dyno test our tune or we will void your warranty
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      02-08-2020, 06:22 AM   #178
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and this thread is still alive...
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      02-08-2020, 07:20 AM   #179
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AK M5 View Post
Yes, most tunes update tables & numbers.

But (and I know everyone will scoff) - this tune is actual engine coding that works with engine/trans/clutch/etc/etc and has full safety & error handling. Really.

Bottom line : We found errors with the transfer case & clutch (***PRE-DATING*** the tune) - and the result is that the code was seriously dialing back the power based on the errors. See screen shot.

* This tune is not just a value in a table to boost a turbo. *

No. .. It's a full update of the engine computer coding, by the BMW ALPINA ENGINEERS. The reason I got this is for this exact reason : error handling and the safety of Not Cheating the ECU, but actually responding to errors/limits so I don't hurt my wicked expensive car. It's not a boost. It's a full programming update.

I'm getting with the dealership to deal with the WARRANTY and RECALL issues of the tranny/transfer-case & error codes. This is why the power was dialed back.

I PROMISE :

I will post NEW DRAGY runs once recalled & updated, and *will let the chips fall where they lie*. I will put up & shut up, but just give me a chance to get the recall & errors dealt with.

Stand by...

Resist flames....

Not done yet.


You should make them dyno it but then oops you would lose your warranty.

This is a scam. When I talked to them months ago, they said they could provide no dyno run data cuz they couldn't duplicate the 200 mph wind needed to make a dyno run accurate or some such bullshit. Same as letter here.....
View post on imgur.com
Then they had some shady sounding idiot call me back 2 more times trying to set up some business. I am sure we will start to hear how they suckered people in, took their money and blew up their motors with this fake warranty tune.

Run, don't walk, away from this bullshit artist.
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      02-14-2020, 11:10 AM   #180
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AK M5 Any update from BMW?
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      02-14-2020, 11:24 AM   #181
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too much to read, but if you tune with a unknown tuner, you deserve a blown motor. zero sympathy. do your homework
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      02-14-2020, 11:57 AM   #182
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gpdriver17 View Post
AK M5 Any update from BMW?
Appointment next week.

Goal is to get clutch errors read and resolved, then the code will not dial back power in safety/error handling, and then we shall see.

Getting there....
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      02-14-2020, 06:15 PM   #183
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Ak
Get your money back and go with a known tuner. Seriously man
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      02-15-2020, 02:02 PM   #184
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Need For Speed View Post
You should make them dyno it but then oops you would lose your warranty.

This is a scam. When I talked to them months ago, they said they could provide no dyno run data cuz they couldn't duplicate the 200 mph wind needed to make a dyno run accurate or some such bullshit. Same as letter here.....
View post on imgur.com
Then they had some shady sounding idiot call me back 2 more times trying to set up some business. I am sure we will start to hear how they suckered people in, took their money and blew up their motors with this fake warranty tune.

Run, don't walk, away from this bullshit artist.
That letter sounds like a load of bs but even if you did blow a motor on the dyno couldn't you just say it happened under road driving conditions or is there a way to tell?
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      02-15-2020, 02:07 PM   #185
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Unless the car was in dyno mode I can't imagine a tech could tell.
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      02-18-2020, 12:38 PM   #186
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AddyDaddy View Post
Ak
Get your money back and go with a known tuner. Seriously man
exactly! Ive said these guys were BS people from the start. Moon rocks people! 'nuff said!
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      06-11-2021, 05:26 PM   #187
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Figured a year is plenty of time to check in on track or draggy times
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      06-11-2021, 07:31 PM   #188
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Worst thread ever .. not sure how this thing still has legs.
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      06-19-2021, 09:12 AM   #189
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AddyDaddy View Post
Figured a year is plenty of time to check in on track or draggy times
Appointment is next week to get the transmission looked at.
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      06-19-2021, 11:32 AM   #190
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DB_BMW View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by AddyDaddy View Post
Figured a year is plenty of time to check in on track or draggy times
Appointment is next week to get the transmission looked at.
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      08-11-2021, 11:38 PM   #191
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So no updates still? It's rather comical I have a local shop here where I am at; the shop owner swears up and down that his noelle tune is far more superior than my tune with DME Tuning... But he still have yet to run me at the track.
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      08-12-2021, 07:14 AM   #192
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I just wasted 25 minutes of my life reading this entire segment. the day can only get better from here.
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      08-13-2021, 08:24 AM   #193
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dougpaper View Post
I just wasted 25 minutes of my life reading this entire segment. the day can only get better from here.
Ditto!
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      08-13-2021, 08:43 AM   #194
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slugsy01 View Post
Ditto!
any cliff notes guys
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      08-13-2021, 09:13 AM   #195
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No Noelle results in 9 pages. If you want results, use a different tuner. You can find Boot-mod results, Race Chip results, JB4 results, RK Tune results, DME tuning results, Evolve results.
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      08-13-2021, 09:21 AM   #196
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pbonsalb View Post
No Noelle results in 9 pages. If you want results, use a different tuner. You can find Boot-mod results, Race Chip results, JB4 results, RK Tune results, DME tuning results, Evolve results.
Thank you, you help save me time lol. I picked a directly for tuning and went with BM3 as well as posted some results. Strange how there is such a long thread with out much results.
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      08-13-2021, 09:29 AM   #197
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Probably a few people did buy and test but were too embarrassed to post the results. That is the general consensus about Noelle — poor results.
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      08-15-2021, 08:38 AM   #198
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The TL;DR:

- guy posts about getting Noelle tune with some crazy numbers that are insanely fast but also obviously impossible and make no sense
- it's revealed OP was using an hour glass to measure the times and orders a Dragy
- OP actually posts Dragy times. He's got favorable DA and is on a downward slope yet his new times are almost identical to what many people post stock without any tune.
- some random dude from other Noelles threads shows up saying positive things and digital fisticuffs between him and other members are almost thrown but cooler heads prevail.
- OP says a bunch of weird stuff about BMW errors and the Noelle tune not taking properly. Also some comments about tire pressure. Maybe OP had two spare tires on the rears instead of normal wheels. It's unclear.
- OP "promises" to post soon after he goes to BMW to get his car fixed. That was 1.5 years ago..

Some say the OPs car is still in the shop till this day.
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