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      06-11-2022, 08:02 PM   #1
soooma
///MD
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Drives: M5 F90
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Hey Folks
Long time no see
So for those of you who don't know me, I happen to be afflicted with the BUG of living sports cars and to be specific German cars and to be very specific BMW, and only ///M cars in that department to the point of owning and leasing about 10 ///M cars in the mast 10 years and of course with lots of tuning experience! So you could say I am as bad as it get in that ///M_FEVER 😂, so I had the real proverbial Goliath of a beast understatedly called \\\?! PLAID and I have been hiding for about half a year from y'all with some separation anxiety tinged with guilt basking in the sheer speed of PLAID and enjoying my blisteringly fast EV tech marvel of a car and I have enjoyed every minute of it! Well NOT exactly all 😂 or I wouldn't be writing this !!

Then how come "I am back" ?!

Well that's another story

Suffice it to say I may have a condition called
"///Memia" which means ///M cars run in the fast lane of my blood in Latin (MD jargon), and I am sure that was NEOLOGISM

Well first things first,
Not my first Tesla and doubt will be my last
As I had a P90D 2016 and it was a blast for 6 months as well especially with zero to 60 2.7 sec back then with ludicrous mode and that was a zebra then but not as rare as 1.99 sec or let's say 2.1 sec for plaid zero to 60 and where it really shines the qMile of 9.24 !!!

It was eerily fast something like you can't imagine 1.3-1.4 G till you experience the G forces! Now I can only imagine the 10G forces Tom cruise in Top Gun Maverick must've felt like (Joking, but what a great movie),

At any rate
Let's cut to the chase
Why are you back?!

The list is so long so bring your popcorn and enjoy the show!

For starters it's a LOVE HATE relationship for many reasons!

Let's hit the road ,
Buckle up!
Brace yourselves folks

Certainly PLAID was the fastest possibly most fun fast car or should I say quick car I have ever experienced BUT not a keeper for a multitude of reasons! Silly me I thought that they would have addressed most issues in 5-6 years, boy was I wrong about Tesla trying to please in all departments, as only interior looks and tech have improved on par with speed but that's where honey moon period ends!

But hey in that vehicle you're really king of the road! Literally you own it !!! Never that confidence in any bimmer including my ///M8 or now ///M5 first edition! Actually I don't think M5 or M8 is a match for any model 3 off the line! PERIOD! Don't even embarrass yourself trying to race one of those PLAID l, I certainly won't ever do that !!

1. Build quality is horrid inside out!!
Things flying off the dash sides ever few days and I have to put back in place over and over and they won't even bother address,
I was told by Tesla Mobile and confirmed by Tesla Dealership that many if not most PLAID cars had difficulty losing the passenger door without having to slam it! And took it to dealership and they "Foxed" it twice or maybe 3 times enough for me to swallow my pride emanating from thinking I bought a LUXURY car as the price tag suggests! But they have unapologetically somehow reminded me repeatedly that this isn't your BMW or MB and get over that as fast as a PLAID can swallow the TARMAC you should learn how to swallow that BAVARIAN pride!! And I begrudgingly have learned how to but never fully succeeded at that!! I even waved "I will lemon this car" card and I meant it, which was met with "You can try to do that, good luck"!!!!!

2. Foggy cameras and rear lights! And been told as long as they "work as intended" it doesn't matter "Precipitation is normal!!" And it never goes away on B pillar camera but normal (Looked really bad and eye soar, but who cares about your visual pleasures!!!)

3. I hated having NO buttons!! Almost none!! for anything and all tasks have to be through a huge 17" screen! Initially it's cool but NOSTALGIA for them days when you actually had a button for everything will kill you!! People are different! But they went too far with this new model by doing away with the stalk or shift gear lever or knob and decided to add it to the 17" menu! On the far left!! It never felt good,,, or even right! Mind you "Sporty"!!

4. Don't get me started with the Joke Yoke and almost got killed or the PLAID totaled a few times trying to look for the frigging horn button which isn't even palpable! Defying 25+ years of hard wiring!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously!!! That aside, the yoke sucks in parking lots or slow speeds where you need lots of turning and you will miss that WHEEL trust me! (maybe they didn't really need to "reinvent the wheel?!" The yoke is a gimmick for sure and comes from a plane where you never have those sharp turns or you're ever actually slow and turning around the take off time!!!! Duh!!! Bad bad bad idea!!

5. It's a very very very possibly too fast sedan (Fastest in the world with a price tag of a bimmer, Porsche and MB),,,, yet with interior of an Acura at best and I am being courteous and too generous! Because Acura actually uses real leather, In Tesla's defense I may understand that would defy the purpose of being a green car and killing animals etc! Could be a good thing Tesla actually did because that faux leather was actually OK, it's just the overall finish and fitment that we're not on par with any kind yet car I had event driven!

6. You get to pay for FSD Full Self Driving 10K but never get to savor it unless you qualify and you won't qualify unless you drive the fastest Sedan in the world like a grandma for a while!!! I never got it or never did I care for more than a couple of days at first!

7. Brakes while numbers are close to M5 and MB E63AMG stopping distance when looked at on paper but these brakes were arguably the LEAST CONFIDENCE INSPIRING brakes I have ever experienced ? Maybe in part because of car heft 5K pounds and the regenerative braking?! Maybe, and they look like 100$ rotors and size doesn't match the PROWESS of this trimotor beat of a Tesla! And in the same vein it is "Ludicrous" ! Pun probably intended and possibly "Insane" to ask people to shell 20K for brakes later on when all you really need is bigger brakes and surely better braking feeeeeel! It's a drag car who's going to really track this piggly car? A few ? Doubt it, anyways not me!! Never dared take it to a track where it doesn't belong!

8. While people were nice at the dealership and actually a shout out to Nigel my SA in there who left a few weeks ago for the Army! Who was great, but you don't feel treated like owning a bimmer and they don't care about your feelings about your car! It's just a car!! When it was to me a PLAID but even that meant nothing because unlike BMW none of the SA or service reps are actually a true car enthusiasts! What a shame!!! That's why I missed my buddy and friend over more than 10 years owning BMW's at Hendrick BMW in Chalrotte NC, Luca! Having that type of relationship and being treated like a car enthusiast not an appliance FRIDGE owner being repaired makes all the difference!!

9. Peeps kept moaning and groaning about my lamentable huge downgrade from a mighty M8 to a mere "Tesla", when in my view Tesla Plaid has unapologetically has more than achieved way more than say a glorious M8 has in the automotive world or should I say MULTIVERSE since were talking about the future, and Tesla has managed to do that by by taking the world by surprise and giving every super car and hyper car a run for their money!! By being the fastest sedan in the world and arguably production car! PERIOD! What made some of the pride of "ICE" cars melt drop after drop!

10. Too high a seating position that's a true turn off for a "Sports car" and don't "Sit" well with me LOL and felt driving an SUV! I would have paid thousands of dollars to get it down!!!!! And boy was I right, back in that M5 F90 I was able to get it where it was too low for me and had to raise it a little back up because I am actually short and that felt rice nice!!!!!! Like back home from a hotel that's 5 stars but never comfortable!

11. Rattles!! Rattles!! Rattle and they won't admit it! And made me feel h were crazy and the only one hearing them!!!!! One time I saw them yelling and shaming another Model 3 client for complaining about similar rattles in his car and when I tried to defend him they were so not nice to me as well!!!

12. Horrible car paint job despite beautiful Multicoat Red that was a pleasure to look at and behold! Also lack of exotic colors like Austin or Paulo Yellow and individual colors or even "mundane" yet sweet Sakhir Orange of my F10 2014 M5 that was for free which was awesome!

13. Lack of HUD, you miss it but you get over it fast! But once it's back and you use it again in any other car you feel it's missing!l and you'd tear for having it back! Unlike the Joke Yoke it's not a gimmick!

14. Tires causing egregious sounds when turning in parking lots especially with cold tires and you feel that you're damaging the car! And they told me forget it again it's one of those times you'll get the default Tesla answer to any problem that arise "It's normal"

15. Last but not least LACK OF EXHAUST, and I know I knew what type of "Quiet" movie and this was a sequel for me to "Quiet 2", but still the speed more than made up for the lack of sweet exhaust and it's aural pleasure!

16. CarPlay is one of the best things about using your phone tech in the car! Tesla does a great job with its software but can't even be half as good as CarPlay! Apple simply blows Tesla software away! I even liked CarPlay in a small size Alamo rental on a trip in LA for a few days and was bummed ti get back to Tesla user interface despite looking way more sophisticated, yet as we all know Apple isn't about sophistication but USER FRIENDLY!!

17. One of the reasons why Tesla has become unbearable in a straight line and ever muscle car that is super tuned costing 100K+ runes tries unabashedly to keep up, is simply the lack of gearing! But it's that very "Slowing factor" the gears and the shifting process from gear 1 through 8 in the ZF iteration or 1 through 7 in the Dual Clutch, despite now being known as "The Achilles heel" of ICE cars, yet it's in OUR DNA folks! I live that hot in my back ticking my spine sending a satisfactory impulse up my spinal cord to the brain v center of REWARD FROM A CAR! And that's what Tesla failed to achieve for me despite being faster! And not to a fault of its own, but rather how inherent it's become and how acceleration has become inherently and arguably inseparably part of DRIVING A SPORT CAR! even when it's become the very reason why it's very easy to beat by next GEN cars of the future that learned how to do away with gearing!! I was literally yawning while grinning doing the acceleration from zero to 80mph, because of how effortless it's become! But I'd rather sweat it getting there if you know what I mean !!!

Really that's the short version of why I let go of my Tesla lease and lost 15K to go for a much slower car ///M5!! (Live that car despite its heft and it's really slow as molasses compared to PLAID!!! ///But as it turns out there are a slew of other things that can make me happy besides SHEER SPEED! And I just didn't know I will be that LULLED that "FAST", at any rate speed isn't always needed, and like a wise man once said, if that's the future of motor industry anyways why don't we just enjoy our last rodeo of fossil burning machines while they last!!

but honesty I'll take a much slower car be it M5 or even M4 as I have both now as I got the M4 to quench the thirst for exhaust, unbeknownst to me that I'll find myself driving the M4 especially a convertible 2015 older model way more than the "Might Goliath", and once again it's not by might but how slick David was using his slingshot and I don't mean to sound religious because I really am not!

Ciao
Basim


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